Serenity

Today, nausea and headache comes back,
and I feel like they are up for a mischief.
This thing seems so familiar to me,
and I think this vicious cycle is coming back at me.

I feel like a part of me is tearing away,
and it begs to get away from this flesh of mine.
I feel like my head is cracked splitting,
and the only solution is to bang it to the wall.

Lately several things has been a resort,
maintaining my grip on sanity and morality.
Lights and fumes and binging and sleep,
mostly to keep up with demands of the world.

Dreams of going away from the world come,
I think going away for a while is nice, eventually.
Do they come to deliver me from the current sorrow,
instead reaping my in such a cruel way, who knows.

What do I do?

A poem describing my periodical blues, currently happening as of today.

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Things to Learn

There is a reason when they say that you only stop learning when you finally die. Perhaps it goes barely noticed, especially as a student that fills his daily life with school’s curriculum, but the truth is, many small things that one gets go unnoticed.

On Saturday, I got to finally meet one of my best friends; one that is ready to listen to my rants, my gossips, and my whines. One can never ignore such friends, right? Yet sadly, we rarely get to meet each other due to each other’s business. On that particular time though, during a rare event of a long weekend, I get to have brunch with this friend of mine. Not for any other reason than to spend some quality time. High five, Garlic!

We got to talk about many things, and being a patisserie major she is, it involved food and cakes. Something that both of us likes, especially with my family’s bakeshop. My table manner also gets corrected, by the time our food arrives. Getting closer to become a gentleman, eh? Well, eventually, things get less superficial as time goes.

As a paradoxical creature that needs social interaction with people yet is also egotistical by nature, we then proceeded to talk about each other’s social life. Interesting how everyone develops, especially seeing how her life is getting busier yet better with all the activities she has in her hands. Whilst I, I’m just getting busier, albeit being more excited. Hah.

One particular thing that made me glad to actually spend some time for that little rendezvous, however, lies at the end of our very talk. Whilst I was talking about my personal point of view towards a problem within an organization I’m in, she made several critics towards myself that I accepted more than gladly. One of them being how attitude matters. A little bit of a no brainer, but, perhaps a backstory is necessary.

I always hold a little bit of pride when it comes to how witty I can be; a trait I consider to be a good thing when it comes to breaking the ice of overly rigid events. So, even when it comes to interacting with my juniors at school, for example, I've always made it in a manner that I would consider as comical. What's the need of unnecessary professionalism, right? Well, one thing that she made me realize is that it does affect one’s image in the long run. Making people take you for granted, so to say. So apparently, one thing that I would try to do is to keep some social structures retained.

The further conversation regarding that, however, must be dropped due to the fact that the cab she booked has come, which eventually marked the end of our talk. At least, one other thing to learn about life, right?

Check out this friend of mine here.

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Restless

This night provides no solace, making my heart violently growl looking for an escape. I am burned from my soul, and its smoke I can feel coming to bloat my head.

I don't know what's happening to me. I'm resisted from going to my slumber. The reflection that stares at me is agreeing with the thoughts that recklessly crashes each other in my mind.

I am sorry for abandoning you. I should've settled. I will, and I promise you. Right now, I just need some time by myself. I need to think first.

Please, let me sleep.

Monday, July 31, at 3 AM

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How Are You?

An easy question to ask, that is often posed as a filler to make things less awkward between people in a conversation. Nevertheless, delved in further, perhaps answering it is not as simple as to pose yourself for being fine.

Let's try by answering this in a more honest fashion, which is to avoid the common answer we all have known and shift our point of view to our state of being at the time. The answer is limitless, depending on how one see their own self. Does this guarantee a sincere answer, though? Perhaps, not necessarily.

You see, unlike most of the things that we see around us, emotion is a dark abyss that is not measured in numbers or any specific points; eventually causing conflicting thoughts within our rational mind and the one that goes wild all around. Dissonance, you might say. It is possible to state your well-being simply from the dinner that you've had beforehand, or how you find your lucky penny on your way beforehand.

But, does it translate to how good you are? Indeed, not necessarily. Going in deeper and farther in time, more scars are visible; sometimes even more prominent ones. Those moments from your childhood that you have never dared to speak about, or perhaps, that person you wish you can never talk to anymore. The farther we see, the easier it is to see some things that are too big to see in such a narrow point of view.

Indeed, nobody is comfortable to talk about it; sometimes, a "Fine, thanks." is way easier to be just said in the given moment. We bury those things deep within us for the ease of simply going on. Nobody has to know.

So, how are you?~

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Batas Kekuasaan Pemerintah

Ulasan Nineteen Eighty-Four karya George Orwell, terjemahan Landung Simatupang

Tidaklah banyak yang dapat dikerjakan dalam dunia di mana pemerintah mengatur segalanya: apa yang terpikir, apa yang terbayang, apa yang dilakukan, apa yang tertulis di sejarah. Inilah pesan yang agaknya berusaha disampaikan dalam 1984 karya George Orwell. Hal ini tentunya nampak sebagai fiksi belaka di abad ke-21 ini; demokrasi, entah dalam bentuk sesungguhnya ataupun turunan dari ide dasarnya, adalah titik tumpu banyak negara pada saat ini. Bagaimanapun, di tahun buku ini terbit, kekuasaan totaliter dapat dikatakan nampak sebagai teror yang nyata, yang tergambarkan melalui ketakutan dalam distopia di buku ini. Relevansi buku ini pada masa kini, sebagaimana yang disampaikan penerjemah, bergantung pada pembacanya. Paling tidak, adalah hal yang baik untuk dapat membandingkannya dengan masa ini dan menghargai keadaan saat ini, jika hal tersebut bukanlah suatu bentuk doublethink bagi Anda.

Buku ini berpusat pada seorang pekerja partai kelas menengah bernama Winston Smith. Tidak banyak yang dapat diketahui mengenainya melalui buku ini dikarenakan kecenderungan buku ini untuk berpusat pada gambaran umum dan alur cerita daripada detail tokoh ataupun keadaan, sehingga gambaran Winston Smith—ataupun, dalam hal ini, semua tokoh—tidaklah nampak dengan jelas. Benaknya mempertanyakan hal-hal yang tidak banyak orang tanyakan: “mengapa.” Terangkum dalam satu kata sederhana namun sulit untuk dituturkan, terutama di bawah spionase konstan pemerintahan otoriter Sosing melalui telescreen yang tersebar di berbagai tempat. Hal ini membuat dirinya hidup dalam dua pribadi berbeda: seorang pekerja partai yang terbilang andal dalam bidangnya, namun juga seorang crimethinker yang terus menerus mempertanyakan kekuasaan absolut partai.

Banyak pertanyaan timbul dari buku ini, yang boleh dianggap merupakan kekurangan terbesar dari penulis. Permulaan pemberontakan yang muncul dalam benak Winston, ataupun beberapa detail lainnya yang mungkin terkesan sepele, dibiarkan menggantung tanpa penjelasan, sehingga buku ini lebih terkesan sebagai sebuah esai daripada sebuah novel. Meskipun tetap berfokus pada latar pemerintahan Sosing, beberapa informasi untungnya dipaparkan dalam sebuah buku fiksi karya Emmanuel Goldstein yang ada dalam buku ini, sehingga harapan untuk dapat membaca Teori dan Praktik Kolektivisme Oligarkis sepenuhnya menjadi salah satu angan setelah selesai membaca buku ini. Paling tidak, penggambaran Newspeak—bahasa fiksi yang dibentuk oleh pemerintah Sosing guna membatasi pikiran rakyat—yang terlampir dalam buku ini merupakan tambahan yang menarik.

Meskipun begitu, patut diakui bahwa penulis mampu memusatkan perhatian pembaca pada poin-poin penting dalam alur cerita, walaupun kesan dangkal tetap sulit untuk dihilangkan. Penulis nampak terlalu berkutat dalam distopia karangannya dan mengabaikan beberapa aspek yang sebenarnya mampu mendongkrak cerita buku ini. Dengan mengabaikan beberapa bagian di mana kesan bertele-tele justru muncul, penulis memberikan suatu bentuk kompensasi yang dapat diterima, meskipun masih belum dapat memenuhi ekspektasi awal ketika mulai membaca buku ini.

Sebagai penggiat politik, buku ini merupakan bacaan yang menarik dalam memaparkan kehidupan negara totaliter dengan kendali absolut yang justru bertujuan untuk mempertahankan kesenjangan sosial dan rendahnya standar hidup masyarakatnya. Penggiat kebahasaan pun mungkin dapat menarik satu atau dua hal melalui konstruksi Newspeak yang ada dalam buku ini. Tidak seperti novel yang kebanyakan beredar pada saat ini, hal yang membuat buku ini menarik bukanlah kesedihan protagonis, bahasa indah yang menggugah, ataupun akhir cerita yang mengubah keadaan menjadi seperti sedia kala. Tidak, ini bukan novel yang seperti itu.

Pada akhirnya, dapat dikatakan bahwa buku ini tetap merupakan bacaan yang relevan dan layak untuk dibaca serta direkomendasikan, meskipun tidak untuk kebanyakan orang.~

Sampul buku bagian depan

Originally posted on Facebook

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Blinking Dark

Blinking dark shining, mistakenly alluring people passing by
“Come for the euphoria, unforgettable times of your life!”
All beauties approaching, immersed in shimmering aura
Not to be known for what is inside, creeping beneath a mask

I have been waiting, a very long line indeed I am in
There I see it diverge, some people going into this lair
Stench of tobacco, or perhaps some other forms of herbs
Stain of wine, lingering to each collar and cuff of people in

Everybody cares to not know be blinded, only the playlist matters
Every body shakes within pulsating bass, screams accompanying
Bodies laying on the floor, getting stomped by the beat
People be savage, go wild for the throne unknown to you even

There I see people go, eyes wide with the glimmer
Told to hear the cue, the shouting commands of superiors
“Leave your stupid be, put on the new beautiful you!”
Come the dyes and tints, new wardrobe and new habits

The effort given gone, dragged along other people unknown
Some people go, tired of flashes and agony within
Leaving masks behind, revealing tears kept screams contained
Dragging themselves back, only with the remaining power

Others remain, their life immersed devoted to the lights
Maintaining fame glory, so to say to do in competition
Going out to the gate, continuing growing the echo shouts allure
“Come for the euphoria, unforgettable times of your life!”~

Originally posted on Facebook

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Little Coward

A song made by a Teabag and a Garlic

Wake up you little coward

Today is a new day and prepare your ass

For the number of the screaming I've given you

That you're awesome as fuck

Wake up you little coward

Get off your fucking bed and prepare yourself

As today is gonna be an awesome day

So get the fucking up

Wake up you little pussy coward

Why are you filled with such amount of disbelief

Cos the day you're gonna face is no tougher than you

Then run and face that bitch~

Originally posted on Facebook

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