This page, at the time of its creation, was meant to be a media for me to store most of my writings, to prevent my random writings as the result of random impulsive needs of self-actualisation that contains mostly my rants; anger, sadness, and all other stuff in it to just end up in some random trashcans. I know that this page practically has zero viewers in general, but hey, the main goal wasn't to gain viewers in the first place, right? The hell with fame.
So to say, this page contains slices of me; a Horcrux if you prefer such terms. Its existence in and of itself is a manifestation of my fear of fading into oblivion, to be forgotten and all. A talk with a friend of mine I rather hold dearly made me elaborate this fear of mine. To him, I explained my strong belief to the idea that one of the qualities making mankind unique is our ability to actively contribute to our world. Not only passively through organic means, like all living beings do in terms of shaping our environment and ecosystem, but also actively through our thoughts and acts.
As an example, we all know Marie Curie for her discovery of radioactivity. Of course, some of her past findings might have been revoked, updated, or added upon, I am not much of a physicist so I don't know for sure. My point is, the act she has done contributes more than just participating in this world's food chain, harshly speaking.
That, however, raises one question: how do we quantify our worth in this society? Does it mean that one has to go through feminism's idea of intersectionalism, or is it one's net worth, as often published by fancy magazines listing people based on how much money they have? Does it have to be made in a novel platform Black Mirror-esque in order to get an actual number? I have no answer to that just yet, especially seen in the big scale of this world.
So to say, this page contains slices of me; a Horcrux if you prefer such terms. Its existence in and of itself is a manifestation of my fear of fading into oblivion, to be forgotten and all. A talk with a friend of mine I rather hold dearly made me elaborate this fear of mine. To him, I explained my strong belief to the idea that one of the qualities making mankind unique is our ability to actively contribute to our world. Not only passively through organic means, like all living beings do in terms of shaping our environment and ecosystem, but also actively through our thoughts and acts.
As an example, we all know Marie Curie for her discovery of radioactivity. Of course, some of her past findings might have been revoked, updated, or added upon, I am not much of a physicist so I don't know for sure. My point is, the act she has done contributes more than just participating in this world's food chain, harshly speaking.
That, however, raises one question: how do we quantify our worth in this society? Does it mean that one has to go through feminism's idea of intersectionalism, or is it one's net worth, as often published by fancy magazines listing people based on how much money they have? Does it have to be made in a novel platform Black Mirror-esque in order to get an actual number? I have no answer to that just yet, especially seen in the big scale of this world.
"But little Earl Grey, ain't that too much for you to think about for now? Ain't those thoughts just gonna drag your mind down, causing havoc and all?"
To which I sadly answer yes; I think I've had my fair share of quarter-life crisis –since I think that I'm way too young for a mid-life crisis, but crisis it is– not to mention a spice of depression here and there. As the kind of person that hates uncertainty, to the point where I often prefer someone just asking me for what I want for gifts instead of giving me some random ones, this thing bothers me a lot. Inability to foresee and make plans for upcoming events and instead resorting to other upon other sorts of backup plan infuriates me. Talk about having to wait two months for SBMPTN, eh?
One thing I've learned, however, after meeting someone that perhaps has shifted –shifted because the word change feels too strong, I'm just as stubborn as ever– is to scale things down a little. I don't have to be remembered by everyone, say that I have failed my obviously grandiose wish. I don't have to be known by everyone; to be studied in detail with books talking about me and my theories whatsoever. I don't want to be known by all people, I want to be memorated; by those who I hold equally dearly during the course of my (past, in the sense of my death in the future,) life.
That insight made me try to work with things I already have, instead of continuously trying to achieve things that might not be achievable at the moment just yet, saving me from futile exercise. That sounds bloated, I agree, as the reality isn't that smooth. Self-conflicting ideas come as often as it was before and arguments with this "let it flow" dear person come is as heated as how it was. Perhaps, we exist in order to compliment each other in life. Perhaps, it was meant to shape each other to become the less extreme of each spectrum. Perhaps, this life is a complex orchestra conducted by a highly intricate being. Perhaps, it is love that unites people from a different polarity of life in a weird fashion. Perhaps, I'm going to stop creating backup theories, at least once.
Low-key dedicated to Eid al-Fitr of January 1999.