10 April 2018

Penuaan Dini

Sebuah foto yang diunggah kolega saya selama menjabat sebagai Wakil Presiden FEDU menggugah perasaan saya. Perasaan tersebut berujung pada saya yang akhirnya mengunggah ulang foto tersebut. Tulisan yang saya sematkan dengan foto tersebut sebenarnya sudah cukup menggambarkan perasaan saya selama SMA, tapi, saya masih merasa ada beberapa hal yang mengganjal yang saya perlu ceritakan.



Foto itu mengingatkan bahwa saya sudah tua, paling tidak untuk ukuran anak SMA. Perasaan yang agak aneh, terutama karena saya tidak pernah mencintai masa SMA saya, terutama jika dibandingkan dengan teman-teman saya yang lain. Sepertinya, ini yang teman karib saya Grace Adeline rasakan ketika beranjak meninggalkan SMA. Saya sejujurnya tidak dapat berkata banyak mengenai alasan kenapa saya tidak menjalani masa SMA saya, meskipun masa SMA sering diagung-agungkan dan dianggap sebagai masa yang paling indah seumur hidup. Entahlah, jangan tanya saya mengenai kebenaran premis itu. Mungkin karena ini merupakan pertama kalinya saya hidup independen sebagai anak rantau, mungkin juga karena perbedaan kultur yang diperparah dengan idealisme saya. Satu hal yang pasti bagi saya; saya meninggalkan orangtua saya jauh-jauh di Kalimantan untuk menuntut ilmu.

Paling tidak, saya berhasil menggaet beberapa orang untuk dipanggil teman selama tiga tahun saya di sini, meskipun saya sendiri tidak tahu kenapa saya bisa berteman dengan mereka. Kebanyakan mereka menyukai budaya Jepang dan permainan digital, sementara saya ngawur sendiri menjadikan debat parlementer–atau yang kadang saya sebut "cari ribut sama orang"–sebagai hobi. Hobi macam apa itu?

Hobi aneh itu dimulai dari awal SMA, pada saat MPLS–Masa Pengenalan Lingkungan Sekolah, red–berakhir dan setiap kelompok ekstrakurikuler mempromosikan dirinya untuk mencari anggota baru. Saya yang tidak pernah tertarik pada banyak hal lainnya yang biasanya digemari remaja-remaja macam saya berakhir mendaftarkan diri di dua ekstrakurikuler; SIGMA dan FEDU. SIGMA merupakan kumpulan penggiat matematika, sebagai katalis pembelajaran sekaligus tempat persiapan olimpiade, dan FEDU merupakan klub debat bahasa Inggris sekolah. Keduanya tidak berjalan semenyenangkan yang saya kira; SIGMA karena saya berakhir menjadi pajangan nama anggota tidak aktif, dan FEDU karena masalah pribadi. Namanya juga kelompok orang yang senang cari ribut, apa yang bisa diharap?

Paling tidak, ada kenangan yang tertinggal dari tiga tahun yang saya habiskan di sini, di belakang papan tulis dengan kumpulan kertas dalam map, pulpen beraneka warna, dan kojing yang terbuka; di antara sekolah dan petualangan yang saya dapat jalani. Sesuatu untuk diakhiri dengan senyum tersimpul.
Share:

27 November 2017

Serenity

Today, nausea and headache comes back,
and I feel like they are up for a mischief.
This thing seems so familiar to me,
and I think this vicious cycle is coming back at me.

I feel like a part of me is tearing away,
and it begs to get away from this flesh of mine.
I feel like my head is cracked splitting,
and the only solution is to bang it to the wall.

Lately several things has been a resort,
maintaining my grip on sanity and morality.
Lights and fumes and binging and sleep,
mostly to keep up with demands of the world.

Dreams of going away from the world come,
I think going away for a while is nice, eventually.
Do they come to deliver me from the current sorrow,
instead reaping my in such a cruel way, who knows.

What do I do?

A poem describing my periodical blues, currently happening as of today.
Share:

03 September 2017

Things to Learn

There is a reason when they say that you only stop learning when you finally die. Perhaps it goes barely noticed, especially as a student that fills his daily life with school’s curriculum, but the truth is, many small things that one gets go unnoticed.

On Saturday, I got to finally meet one of my best friends; one that is ready to listen to my rants, my gossips, and my whines. One can never ignore such friends, right? Yet sadly, we rarely get to meet each other due to each other’s business. On that particular time though, during a rare event of a long weekend, I get to have brunch with this friend of mine. Not for any other reason than to spend some quality time. High five, Garlic!


We got to talk about many things, and being a patisserie major she is, it involved food and cakes. Something that both of us likes, especially with my family’s bakeshop. My table manner also gets corrected, by the time our food arrives. Getting closer to become a gentleman, eh? Well, eventually, things get less superficial as time goes.

As a paradoxical creature that needs social interaction with people yet is also egotistical by nature, we then proceeded to talk about each other’s social life. Interesting how everyone develops, especially seeing how her life is getting busier yet better with all the activities she has in her hands. Whilst I, I’m just getting busier, albeit being more excited. Hah.

One particular thing that made me glad to actually spend some time for that little rendezvous, however, lies at the end of our very talk. Whilst I was talking about my personal point of view towards a problem within an organization I’m in, she made several critics towards myself that I accepted more than gladly. One of them being how attitude matters. A little bit of a no brainer, but, perhaps a backstory is necessary.

I always hold a little bit of pride when it comes to how witty I can be; a trait I consider to be a good thing when it comes to breaking the ice of overly rigid events. So, even when it comes to interacting with my juniors at school, for example, I've always made it in a manner that I would consider as comical. What's the need of unnecessary professionalism, right? Well, one thing that she made me realize is that it does affect one’s image in the long run. Making people take you for granted, so to say. So apparently, one thing that I would try to do is to keep some social structures retained.

The further conversation regarding that, however, must be dropped due to the fact that the cab she booked has come, which eventually marked the end of our talk. At least, one other thing to learn about life, right?

Check out this friend of mine here.
Share: